You are anxious, they are secure
Somebody steady is in front of you, and the part nobody mentions is how uncomfortable that is at first. A person who does not create alarm gives you nothing to resolve, and the alarm does not simply switch off because it has nothing to feed on.
Wants closeness and watches for the loss of it, so silence gets read as an answer.
Comfortable close, comfortable apart, and able to say which one they need today.
What actually happens
So you will test them, usually without planning to: a slightly sharper message, a longer silence than you want, a question phrased so that no answer is quite right. When they pass the test, the relief lasts a few days. Then the next test arrives. This is the loop to know about, because it is yours rather than theirs.
What this one needs
Name the test while it is happening. Saying "I'm about to pick a fight and it isn't about the dishes" does more in ten seconds than a month of managing it privately. Secure people are usually fine with the truth. What wears them out is being tested without being told.
Something you can send
I'm spiralling a bit and it isn't about you. Can you just tell me we're fine?
Not sure which one you are? The quiz is 16 questions and gives you two scores rather than a single label.
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